You know when you read a Reddit post and you think, “Man, this person has a lot of growing up to do”? I think this will be one of those posts. On “Am I the A-hole?” a man writes that he doesn’t want to let his girlfriend move in with him despite the fact that she is pregnant with his child.
He explains that they dated for eight months before she got pregnant. She’s now about 14 weeks along, and she has decided to keep the baby. He writes, “I still feel that our relationship is too new for us to move in together even though we’re going to be parents. I like her a lot and can see a lot of potential for this relationship, but I’m just not sure yet where I see us long term. Moving in together doesn’t feel right at this point.”
He has communicated this to his girlfriend, and she was understandably disappointed. She wants to move in together because it will be easier to take care of the baby and because they won’t then have to buy two of everything.
But the real pressure is coming from his parents, who told him he was “selfish” and “implied that I was doing this so I could stick my girlfriend with baby duty so I could keep living a carefree life.” His dad and sister have said similar things.
He’s still using the excuse that the relationship is new and that moving in together while it’s still so new is a bad idea. While I understand the impulse not to want to rush into “playing house” just because there’s a baby coming, I personally think that if you’re saying this when you’re eight months into a relationship and you got your girlfriend pregnant, that impulse probably means that you don’t actually want this relationship.
At this point, you’re way past the point of being able to “take things slowly.” If he loves her and he wants to be with her and raise their child, now’s the time to move in, buddy. Sure, it will be hard, and it might not be the path you hoped the relationship would take, but if you really think this woman is worth it, move in together. It’s time.
I also think the comments from his parents are telling. They’ve known him his whole life. While he might be trying to convince himself that he’s doing this “for the relationship,” they know him. They know what he’s really after.
So many people in the comments not only called him TA but said he should step up and commit to his girlfriend and the baby. In the comments, he admitted that he didn’t wear a condom when she got pregnant.
But others see through his logic. “Sounds like you’re making excuses for one of many reasons, and either be honest with yourself or deal with the situation, because it’ll either bite you in the a– or hurt someone else in the future,” one person wrote.
In the comments, he admits what’s really going on, what his actual reason is for not wanting his girlfriend to move in with him. He writes, “I’m not sure if she’s the one, and my fear is that if I let her move in and decide to end things it will be hard to get her out.”
Ah. There it is. He doesn’t actually want to be with this girl. If that’s the case, he needs to come clean to everyone in his life right now. They can end their relationship and still raise a baby together. But to string this woman along and make her think he’ll be her partner when he’s already thinking he doesn’t want to be with her is cruel.
If he really loved her and really wanted to be with her, he wouldn’t have hesitated to let her move in and start building their life together. That’s not what he wants. And he needs to communicate that as soon as possible.